9:17pm

What is this? The third day in a row that I have managed to write? I myself am impressed.
It's nice to get shit off my chest. Very necessary lately.

I had vented a few days ago.

I had used language that was inappropriate for small ears.

So its a good thing we are all adults here.

Anyways, it was regarding Courtney.

Bleh.

I don't like thinking about her much these days.

I won't go into much detail- but tonight I had told her we are through.

I have never felt more in control before in my life.

We all remember the Violet fiasco..

I was not going to let that happen again.

Regardless of the age, height, etc..

I will let nothing keep me from doing what I feel is right.

The hardest part of all of this is that she still works at Carolines.

It would be so easy for me to stop being bitter and move on completely, if that wasn't a factor.

I'm past the fact that she "stole" Ryan. They both showed how much they don't belong in my life.

Perhaps one day I can become friends with either of them, but at this rate I'm not holding my breath.

I don't agree with the situation she is putting herself in. She knows that I want nothing, but the best for her, but in the path that she is choosing- she is setting herself up for disaster.

Who she talks to and who I talk to are neither her nor I's concern any longer.

As great and powerful as it feels to be in control of a friendship, (or lack thereof..)

it will never be easy to hurt someone.

I know she is hurting. She went the whole 9 yards tonight and

unfriended me on Facebook, as well as unfollowed me on Instagram.

I suppose I can understand why- but it also makes her look young, pathetic, weak, etc. In my eyes.

Oh well. If that's her way of moving on or whatever it may be- go for it.

This is mine.

This is all I need.

I just need to put my thoughts into words and my words onto a blank white screen.

Then they are no longer inside of me and I have nothing left to hold onto.

I feel like those had to have been a conglomerate of song lyrics somehow... 

Alright. Well future me reading this, I feel as though I have said my piece. I want to move on and talk about other things come tomorrow.

Sleep well.

9:37am

Last night I got home around 10:30pm. I therefore could not blog, I charged my camera batteries and went to bed.

Why did I charge my batteries you ask? Oh that's because I am

SHOOTING MY VERY FIRST WEDDING!

I would be lying if  I said I wasn't nervous.

But I am also excited for the opportunity.

My friend Kurtis has been so rad with trying to get me to take pictures more and offering me these opportunities to shoot weddings with him.

So far this one seems like a really good one to call my first.

The only thing I am worried about really is that it isn't starting until 3pm.. It's December. 

Which means it starts to get dark around 5- therefore I will be dealing with low lighting situations..

Kind of my weakness. But that's okay! I'll figure it out. 

Taking this as a challenge!

I better go finish getting ready- I'll report back soon.

P.S.

Starting to figure out my New Years Resolutions..

Pretty excited for them.

1:27pm

Christmas has passed.
Can't complain.
I was able to spend some time with my family. (Not as much as I had hoped.) Aunt Penny was busy tending to the twins as well as the rest of the family.

I squeezed in as many hugs as I could though. Which will last me enough until our next trip down there.

I'm already working on my New Years resolutions.

I'll post later tonight (I hope..)

with more of an update on my so-called life.

xx

M

9:09pm

I think this may be it for Courtney and I. This is the biggest shittiest thing she could do, and I am 100% not okay with it.

You don't get to "like" Ryan. The first person I had sex with, and think that there is a light at the end of the tunnel with us..
You "don't feel bad" and "can't control your feelings"?? Are you fucking high?

Sure at this point I gave her a ultimatum.

My friendship versus his relationship..

That shouldn't even be a question.

She is just doing the lowest possible thing humanly possible, and I'm fucking done with her.

I hope she quits Caroline's and goes back to Eskashit full time. Fuck's more people that she shouldn't.

Merry fucking Christmas to an horrible fucking person.

Do yourself a favor and focus what needs to be focused on.

You even said yourself that you don't need to be worrying about boys right now.

You fucking hypocrite.. get the fuck out of my life.

I hope you get into the school in Colorado. Get the fuck away from me.

You lying, stealing, two faced bitch.

6:05pm

Should I even apologize? is it even worth it.. How many times can you apologize to yourself anyways?
Well.. I'm sorry future me- yet again.

For what you might ask? for not blogging like I said I would.
Holidays are among us and shits crazy.

I now make $9.00 an hour. 

I'm still a supervisor and we have so many new people that have 

"replaced" my girls I began with. It saddens me so very much.

Melissa Irvin came in the other day and it was so nice to see her face.

But I do think she has lost more weight than the average Bubba's Bagels employee.

Which makes me believe that she may be getting into harder drugs than before,

I feel for her.

I spent the afternoon with Liz yesterday which was so nice! Very refreshing.

I still have respect for Starbucks and that industry. And for her for moving. 

You do what you have to do in order to survive in this world.

Secret Santa is upon us! Its exciting. I can't wait for our Christmas party so that way I can get that homily feeling yet again and remember all the reasons why I stay at Carolines.

Sure things may get stressful sometimes, but I do love it there. For what we stand for and what we do.

It's a great place that I can always call my first job. And I love that.

It's Monday, and I've been working nonstop.

(which I've probably already said enough)

But still.. anyways- tomorrow is Tusday

which means I have class and finals due. At least a paper for Social Psych.

Ever since I got a F on my first paper its been crazy to try and get back up.

I hate that I don't feel the energy or feel like I should put much effort into my school work though. I make myself mad.

I told myself that "this would be my semester"

HA..

It's ben real, and it's been.. fun.

But it's been a drag also.

These final and grades will be the defining factor if I take a semester off  by choice or by default.

I'll keep you posted.

Update on dad: tattoo is old news.. 

Hmm.. who knew this would happen? Oh yeah! me..

He got knee surgery which was slightly nerve wracking for the both of us. But everything went swimmingly, and he has been doing just fine.

Lets see.. what else has happened.

Courtney and I are still friends, although she does have her crazy spells.

Which worry me.

I'll think of more on my way home.

(I've been in Mekka since 3pm writing my paper on Finding Nemo that is still not completed.) ugh.

Anyways, I need to get home.

'Till next time.