I'm a tad late with the update on whats going on lately. As you probably guessed, tis the new year.
I didn't start the Eve of the new year very well. Seriously- I was sick.
Got to work as scheduled at 10:30 and left by 12 in tears. Due to stomach pains in my ribcage and all over my stomach really, nausea, weak body etc.. I was an all round mess. I just cuddled Scout all the rest of the day up until 6:30 when I had to leave to babysit Brandon for Brittany. I fell asleep off and on that whole night. Had to set an alarm for 11 just to make sure I didn't miss the ball drop.
Because I had taken frequent naps due to not feeling well I feel as though I cheated.
I'm not sure.. my weird logic sometimes.
By the next day I felt fine. I had work off, so I was able to go to the mall for a bit with Nicole.
I had opened this morning- which meant I was AT Carolines by 5:30am.
But left by 2pm.
So after work I went o the bookstore across the street and purchased 2 novels and headed home just in time for Ellen.
Dad and I started looking for cars a tad tonight. Found 2 that we like and will call on tomorrow.
Tad excited, I just hope that good comes out of this. I want to just get rid of Cassie and focus on a computer again. Get one thing taken care of so I can try to achieve me next goal.
I'm in a writing mood tonight. (not sure if talking to you.. Quinn..) has anything to do with it. You bring out the best of me mister. You're real. A true friend that can tell me straight up, "He's not soul mate material.. He has genital herpes."
For the first time I do believe I have gone back and reread the very first few posts I have made. Kinda hit home. I was taking so many photos with MY ACTUAL CAMERA, (it was still brand new), so the goosebumps were still fresh. But I was really happy a lot of the time, (or so it seemed). I also sounded very British..?
I had just started working at Carolines and had just started my first semester at Sierra. I wrote about a lot of people that I was close with back then and hardly speak to nowadays, which makes me sad to think about.
I don't go back and reread posts, in fear of changing anything or worse- deleting anything all together.
I do it too often- get upset with myself for strictly documenting the shitty parts in my day. I don't try hard enough to write down any of the happy good times. As small as they are- I still need to remember them.
I think we all could use a little happy. Just have to get over the rough spots first.
I wish people didn't take this whole "life" thing so seriously. Or try to control people. I don't think that's fair. Parent or not. You can bring someone into this world, but after some time you must realize- as another human being yourself- that they are just that.. a someone. That has thoughts and feelings and opinions, and choices. It's only natural.
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| Here's to you 2013.. |
But it just feels nice to write again. Put my words into something.
I know that it is a new year, but deep down it feel no different at all yet. I've been in a haze with what month it is for the past few seasons.
I don't know what that is about.. but I need to get a severe slap in the face or something. Come back to reality and figure out what is going on with me.
I've been in a haze for far too long.
Time to switch it up before I fade away entirely and get stuck in this confusing state of grey.
