10:38pm

I'm not sure what to do in situations like this. You keep hurting me. Please stop. I hope you'll stop. My emotions can only handle so much of you.

I hate hating you. Please please stop. I want to love you, and then you hurt me. What am I supposed to do. How long am I supposed to wait for you to change. Will you change?

I don't want to lose your sisters, or you. But you keep putting me in these situations, only thinking of yourself and in turn hurting me.

But I feel like I'm going to compare everyone to you later if we don't work out. I want you to care about me. I want you to be the one. But you don't reciprocate. You don't show me.

What do I need to do? Help me. Tell me what you need.

I need you. I need you to stop making me cry. I can't keep crying like this. This isn't the way it's supposed to be.

Show me you love me. Please..

3:07pm

Wacky bunch, bitchin' night. 

3:26pm

Piercing my nipples in a minute. 

7:33pm

It's in these past few months that I've noticed the change in my hands. Thinning out and slowly resembling my mothers.

Still unsure how I feel about that.  

7:18pm

What if I didn't move right away. What if after spring semester I traveled..

What if I committed to that idea and made that work? When will I ever have this opportunity again? When will I be this free?

Maybe just maybe I should. 

Then commit to Portland. Just a few months in Europe to take some photos and live a little. Then get comfortable in a new life. 

6:14pm

Bad night. Not the greatest day. Now body is shutting down and I'm sick.

I need to stop thinking about my future. Need to just kinda hibernate for a good while. Just feel like crying constantly.

I sound like a fucking wreck. 

6:58pm

I shouldn't have to beg for your attention. It shouldn't be like this. You should want to be with me tonight. It's my favorite holiday and I'm crying.

This is bullshit. Going to go get high alone.