Anyways.
Good News:
Dear Monica,
To ensure student success we review student records each semester. Your records indicate that your grade point
average (G.P.A.) is below 2.0. As a result, you are now on academic probation. You have the opportunity to
prevent future semesters of academic probation by raising your Sierra College GPA to 2.0 or above.
{What this means: I wasn't "dismissed" /suspended. I didn't have to write some bullshit email trying to have The Man let me back into college.}
My Digital Photography professor did me a huge favor and passed me. With a C. He actually wanted to raise it but by the time I met up with him it was too late. I suppose I don't care too much at this point.
My Film photography professor passed me with a B.
Furthermore.
Not So Great News:
Received an F in Math. No shocks on my end. I even feel as though my professor and I ended on good terms {not that we were ever on bad terms}. I wrote her a note on my final exam that I knew I wasn't going to pass her class but perhaps we shall see each other in the future.
For now, I'm taking a break from Mathematics.
On a completely different note:
I just got back home from Nevada. The Family and I went camping and it was really nice actually.
My favourite part was rafting down this nice river. I of course was the captain..
The two weeks prior to said camping trip I worked my ass off. I only let myself have 1 day off each week so that I could boost up my paycheck knowing I would be short a week on the paycheck I receive when I come home.
That paycheck was the most I had ever received. And I felt as though I deserved nothing less.
I have a bit saved up in savings, for me at least.. and now this paycheck on top of it could help majorly buy a different vehicle or allow me to buy my own MacBook and not make a dent on my savings at all.
I want the fucking computer.
But I also would like a reliable car*.
*small SUV type vehicle.
My favourite aunt called today out of the blue and of course school and my future came up in conversation.
No- correction: It invaded and trampled all over the conversation. There was no speaking of much else really and I cried just about the entire time. Which was less than wonderful. But I enjoyed the call nonetheless.
I just feel like I can never have what I would like to have.
I'm 19 years old and just want to be happy.
I want material things in hopes of being happier, and yes.. I do believe it will help.
I am being honest. I'm being a realist.
Not only will it make me happier, it will help me in the long run.
A computer is something that I have to have for school and my future for photography.
Erika and Tiz, coworkers, asked me to move in with them to the Auburn area. They are still looking. But I was pretty interested, and now I feel like I think I wont be able to. It will be too hard for me. I can't keep living here though. I don't know.. If I moved out I'm sure my dad would make me pay for all my everything. And I feel like everyone should know by now that there is no way I could do that at this point in my life.
I don't fucking make enough to survive. I need a fucking second job. I need something that I can one day survive off of. I don't want to have to quit school.
Do you want the education, or the experience.What my Aunt asked me today..
I fucking hated that she asked that.
What I had heard was:
"Do you want to be intelligent, or a fuck up"which then translated to:
"Do you want to be your mom, or Monica"I told her I didn't like the way it sounded.
She told me a story about a roommate she once had and that helped a bit.
But not much.
The day we came back from camping I went to a family reunion.
My Grandma Sonja was there along with my Aunt Holly. Both of which are no longer a part of my life. My mom and the majority of my close related family on her side are nonexistent.
I need to draw a family tree for anyone to clearly understand my life..
Anyways, I arrived late due to the shower and missed the real action. But long story short:
Uncle Jimmy tried to hug his mom {Sonja} she pushed him away, "Are you drunk?"
His wife, my Aunt Schan Delle, saw and rushed over across the lawn.
"...you are a fucking bitch! That's your son!...etc."
........Sonja slapped Schan Delle across the face....
No one really wanted to relive any of it so I just heard bits and pieces.
I only wish I could have been there to slap my Grandma back for my aunt and all the hurt she has and ever will bring to my family.
I have a broken family.
But somehow I'm surviving.
I'm tired. But finished up sketchbooks I'm sending to Dallas and Janna. Rather pleased with myself with that.
Post office tomorrow.
