8:31pm

I need to write. I need to fucking get every god damned word out of my mother fucking head. GAH.
I'm in the worst mood ever. I'm just so upset and angry and pissed off.
Never again will I take a picture of Krisanna. I've now had 2 guys that I have had feelings for randomly text me and ask who she is and all this shit. Yeah I took a damn fine picture, of a fucking beautiful girl. Lets focus on the quality of the image or anything else. DON'T FUCKING GO OUT OF YOUR WAY TO TELL ME SHE IS BEAUTIFUL AND YOU WANT TO TAKE HER OUT TO DINNER OR DATE HER. I DON'T GIVE A RATS MOTHER FUCKING ASS HOW DRUNK OR SOBER YOU ARE. I PROBABLY MADE IT SO FUCKING CLEAR THAT I HAD FEELINGS FOR YOU. AND NOW YOU ARE GOING TO TELL ME THAT YOU LIKE MY BEST FRIEND?

Yeah that would happen to me. ESPECIALLY DURING THE HOLIDAYS. Just to make matters worse.
Why can't I lower my standards or settle and have someone and be somewhat happy? Because I'm not that girl. I know what or who I'd want but can I have it? Not completely. No fucking way.
What I get is a tease at love. (Even though love is not real. It doesn't exist.)
I will get so close to being with you. We will kiss, and I wouldn't think about how you haven't broken up with her yet. You said you were going to tomorrow anyways.. which is really today since it's 3am and I'm just getting home. And then almost a week later it still says you are in a fucking relationship. So now I don't know if it's just you waiting and not making a big deal out of it or if you really are still together. What do I do in the mean time? What the hell do you expect me to think?
So I'm going to stop torturing myself with all of it. With you and her and my best friend. Who ever that is (because there really isn't one.) So this is me losing control and deactivating my facebook for a while.
I'm just done. So done I'm hardly even here..