I'm sick of all my paranoia. It's just nonsense. Sometimes I wish I didn't even have an iPhone at all so I would have no way of making obsessive habits and such. Unhealthy things.
I was so good then I got bad again. Now I'm going to stop. I'll leave my phone in my car or in my purse. I'll just take my pocket knife and camera and just whittle you up something nice.
I hope your aunt gets better. And I hope you come home and want to hold me against your skin. Sleep with me and not push me away. Although I know it's just sleepy you that does it. When really you don't mean to. And I promise to stop taking it personally when it's just your subconscious that is pushing me away and not real you.
I love you so much and I'm trying to not freak out over my/our future. Trying to not be pushy and needy or suffocating. I want to be normal me. Happy Me that just wants to be outside with you and be in photos together. I want you to understand how much I care for you. And it all may be too much. It may be too sudden but it's what you've done to my head. The way I think, it's quite different now. And I enjoy it. When it doesn't scare me.
I wonder if you read this anymore. I wonder if you still check up on my things at all. Most of what I write is to you. You're such a main character in my book.
I'm really tired. You never text me to let me know your plane landed and I don't like that. But your phone probably died or I'm just giving you the benefit of the doubt. I'm sure I'll hear from you tomorrow.
I need to shower and have my oil changed tomorrow.
I love you, goodnight
