I had the day off.
I slept in.
I showered and cleaned my room. Then went and sent Alexis her photos that I edited right away from her bridal shower.
Saw Emmit on his lunch, then made an appointment to meet with my counselor tomorrow after work. Not to mention the other day I made a dentist appointment and got the name and number for the dentist who can remove my wisdom teeth.
Back to today: went to 3 different thrift stores and purchased a total of 4 books that I've never read before and a case in the shape of a leaf.
I was able to cross off so many things from my todo list today. I'm realizing that if I make lists of things I need to do I will feel more obligated to accomplish them.
I also went to the dollar store and got a notebook specifically for my todo lists, some leaves to hang up in Caroline's like I do every year, and some pens for the pad of paper.
I spoiled myself today and spent maybe $9.
Go me. Even text Janina and set up a day to meet with her and chat about sign and school and such. I'm excited but also a tad nervous about that. But I'll be fine. I'm doing adult things and feeling good.
After I got off work yesterday I stopped by AAA and saw dad. Talked to him a bit and told him about my dentist app. Then tried to bring up moving to Oregon and school and what all he will do to help. It didn't go long since he had to go talk tobhis boss, but he wasn't very supportive. I need to really talk to Sophie or others and see how real they are with the idea of moving to Oregon. I know I can't do it alone. I need to bring it up with Emmit and see if he would even want to live with me. The idea makes sense but living with someone also can break up a couple. So I'm weary. But also very optimistic about it.
My appointment with my counselor will hopefully tell a lot. If I'm going to Sierra in the spring or completely moving to Oregon and finishing there. The idea of focusing in sign language is starting to scare me more and more. But I need to put the fear aside and own up to the plan. Really do it.
Let's see.. What else. That might have been it for the day. But all in all it was great. Simple but totally nice.
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The other day Emmit went with me to the doctors in Roseville. Kaiser. It was my second time there.
The first time I went alone and cried 3 times. It was completely overwhelming and I'm not sure what came over me. I had a chest X-ray and blood drawn. Just 2 tubes which wasn't much but still. It was unclear to me that the blood test would answer other tests. That I thought needed their own type of procedure altogether. I finally was told that I could go and my results would be online and they would call me.
Now back to the 2nd time I had to go. That morning I was working. I opened and I had been feeling a pressure in my head for a week straight. Like the feeling of what a headache would be right before it actually becomes anything. But it never fully developed. That morning I decided that it had been long enough. I needed all this to be done. Over with. So I went back and requested an MRI. I wanted dad to go with me or Em if he was available since it was his day off. Dad couldn't and neither could Emmit. Then just a little bit before I was off Emmit text me and said he was coming. He had MRI's before and they are kinda scary. No one should have to go through it alone. Especially after crying the last time I went there.
I was overjoyed. So incredibly thankful for him to put aside his prior plans and go with me. It really showed a lot.
So we got there and checked in. I talked to a different doctor. A man this time who was alright, but most likely won't continue seeing him. He is retiring in a few years anyways.
So this time I told him all the symptoms I did with the lady doctor the day before and then mentioned my twitch and other things. So he printed me out some information on panic attacks and said that those are what I'm having. There is a huge difference between a panic and an anxiety attack. Which I was unaware of. Panic attacks are completely random so that makes sense. Where as anxiety attacks are caused from being anxious from something.
He also told me that I did have vertigo. My dizziness was from my ears. There are little hanging guys that keep my ears clean and whatnot. But debris and other junk can block them and hold them the the side and whatnot. Basically get them all discombobulated and then send the message when I'm laying down or whatever that I'm spinning since my other ear isn't matching the opposite.
So until the little dangling guys fix themselves I'll feel dizzy. I can live with that. And my panic attacks. And my twitch. It's what makes me, me.
I just needed to know that none of those things are things I should be worried about.
I still got a cat scan rather than an MRI. Cat scans have radiation involved. MRI's are a bit more expensive. But still both in my case were unnecessary. I still told him for peace of mind that I would like to have my head scanned just to make sure there is nothing happening we don't know of. No pinched nerves, blocked up veins, whatever. I wanted the security if knowing I was 100% fine.
It was quick and easy and I should have my results by now online.
I did ask about my blood tests and those were all normal. So that was also quite relieving. It was probably an unnecessary trip but it really wasn't. I was long overdue for a check up. Granted it was a bit more than a checkup but it brought peace to my mind. And that's all I ask.
Afterwards Emmit and I met up with Sophie and her brother Alex for sushi. It was delicious. Then we returned some pants at Tillys for Em and I got a dress he really liked. We headed home and had to call on some people for possible drunk driving but each safely made it home.
Those were my past few days.
Man it feels good to write. Just recap on the little things. Small documentation of the little things.
My next goal is to start running/walking at NU. On the track when it gets a little cooler. As well as attend some yoga classes downtown.
Also hang out with Kelly. She is going through a breakup and we all could use friends.
Ps: tomorrow marks 11 months with Emmit. Holy shit.
