7:25pm

I feel like I was just listening to my family fall apart.
You see I'm that girl who goes to family barbecues and ends up reading because no one else in my family decided to get pregnant at the same time as my mom. So here I am the only 19 year old with no friends.
So I'm sitting in the dining nook nose in my book and I over hear my dad and aunt SchanDelle talking about their issues. Their conversation ranging from praise upon Dustin her son who got held back and is quite a fuck up sometimes, but there is a golden heart beneath, to how my dad is lonely yet smothered by my brother.
Then my aunt goes on about how because my uncle drives big semis for a living and is never around, she could make it on her own. She feels like she is living with a roommate. There is no love. All she keeps repeating is "I'm done Todd.. I'm just done."

Normally I would have stayed. I would have kept listening. I would have kept silent. But at that moment I wished nothing more than that the others that were playing croquet outside would rush in and stop them from continuing on in their conversation. I didn't want to hear the sadness of another relationship in my family falling to pieces. I could not do it.

I feel like my family are a bunch of fakes. Like you can talk and say all these things about the person you once loved. The person you had children with.. And then the minute that person comes into the room, you both smile. How can I be related to that? I want none of it. None.

So I slipped out the back door..
I'm proud of myself for doing it. So I could continue my sad book outside in the sun, because god only knows how pale my legs are and how much sun I need.

I was just talking to Lizzy (Helen's mom) about school and books and moving out and I would love to live with her family. She has a nice home, loving family, and she is so supportive of me and what little plans I have for my future.

I need to leave home.
It is home, but there is only so long I can be controlled.
These are the years I'm supposed to make my own decisions. Make mistakes and learn from them. I need to grow up and I have to start now.