I guess I should hold back and start from the beginning.
I worked 6:30-1 which was great. With Elyse and Salima. It was a great shift and I had no complaints. Emmit had a long shift so I stayed for his lunch break. And again- no complaints.
After he went back to work I headed over to Les Shwab to have my tire fixed. Sure it was a long wait, but I had no plans. So it was fixed and I headed over to Summer Thymes to watch Netflix and use the wifi till Em got off work. We planned a double date with Elyse an Tyler for icecream at Treats. I got to tell Elyse and Tyler my life story and it was nice to say. I like when people know what I've been through. Help them understand me better.
We talked for a long time and finally headed back to my car around 9:30.
This is the part of my night where just writing it makes me feel nautious and pissed as hell.
Emmit and I got to talking for a bit before I left and I was told something that I hadn't known before.
Something that just reassured every bad feelin I have ever had towards someone. I had never felt more betrayed and shit on. I was completely unaware how much I turned into a fucking doormat.
Courtney had sex with Cru.
I am livid as I write this. It's hard to control my breathing. But I have to since the only time I have today to write this is on my lunch break.
There is absolutely no respect. No fucking respect towards me at all. I am a wonderful person. I put everyone before myself. Especially when it comes to feelings. I will hold back so much in order to keep others happy- while I'm over here miserable.
When it comes to Cru I guess I can't be too surprised. He's a whore. Courtney is too though. But she is much more than that.
She is crazy.
I'm convinced she is bipolar and refuses to see or do anything about it. She is manipulative, cares so much for herself. She goes looking for problems. And if she can't find something she will put one there.
I literally can't stand to look at her. It's unreal. She has done this exact thing before and I was more hurt then I ever had been. I rid her from my life and for months there was silence. I'm not sure at what point she weasled her way back into my life but she did. And only to fuck me over once again. But this time it matters so much more. She has never said one good thing about him to me. So why the fuck would you sleep with him? When? How long? How many times?
I am not a doormat. I refuse to be treated like shit. I'm fed up and won't stand it anymore. If I have to put on my tough girl pants I will. I want her feeling hurt. I want her to cry. I want her to feel like the biggest piece of shit on the planet because she deserves that. I have done nothing but help her and be there and everything a friend should be. And she has hurt me and made me cry and feel that way long enough.
I'm through with her in my life. 100%.
There is nothing more I want than for her to diminish from my existence as fast as she possibly can.
And she doesn't even know it yet.
