I'm not over it, nor will I ever be.
The conversation I have with Courtney tomorrow has been long over due.
I for the second time in a year will feel in control. Calling the shots when it comes to a friendship.
No more people being done with Monica
no.. she is learning and realizing what she is worth. And she is not giving all she has to give to just anybody.
Although it was not easy for her to commit to meeting with me in person, and tried to pull some shit up from the past or make me look like the bad guy- I wasn't having it. She was going to hear what I had to say.
I suppose I think of this as a form of closure. She owes me a half hour at least. I need to know why she did it. If she thought of me at all before. I want to hear what she has to say.
Regardless if it happened months ago and she wanted to forget it, she still blatantly hid it from me. There were probably many times when she could have said it and put it in ways to make our friendship either be mend able, or end on a better note.
Cru is in the same place. He only values my talents or friendship when he needs me. Paint signs, pumpkins, model for your benefit.. whatever it may be. He has treated me and spoke to me like shit.
I make a photo black and white. Make it a photo where friends and family can see and compliment his work, and he snaps. Sends an awful message my way, thinking he is completely valid in treating me that way and makes me remove said image.
Now this could have gone several different ways..
I could have asked him if I could make the photo black and white and put it on the website.
That could have gone one of two ways. He says yes or no. This is the way I should have gone about it being a fellow photographer and understanding the rules of other peoples images.
I could have done what I did- changing it without his permission. Replied to his message and said how he is overreacting and treating me like shit. When all I had done was bring down the saturation. The website automatically crops it- so to blame me for cropping it is also out of line.
This is the way I wish I had handled it.
But me being me, Emmit being a really good person, talked me into just listening to him an replying with a short message.
Which I had.
I value that piece of shit's friendship too much to risk starting a conversation that I know will only go in a poor direction. Most likely resulting in a loss of friendship. Since he is a stubborn egocentric bastard. But now that he is like my brother and I've worked so hard to get to that level, it's hard to just let all that go.
On the other hand, hearing facts from Emmit like I had the other week, and then being treated like I was in that message.. sure makes it easier to distance myself from him.
He is very much all about himself. He has told me before that he uses people to benefit himself. And I've noticed I have done this with him too though. I use his knowledge or experience to help me. I definitely feel I go about it a bit differently.
We clearly have different morals/values/beliefs.
Emmit also has noticed this.
I suppose I can only be grateful to have come to realize all this early enough on. And be with someone who is very much on the same page as I am.
<----------------------------->
The other day I worked an interesting morning shift. We all got there a bit later considering we had no water. So I worked a shorter shift and once we did open it got so busy that it made the day go by even faster. I was off by one and headed over to Briar Patch to do some homework. I finished two quizzes for Human Sexuality a few days before they were even due, then headed home. The rain had stopped just long enough so I had enough sunlight, energy, and motivation to take scout for a walk. Which was really nice. The lighting everywhere was a bit gloomy and excellent for portraits. But also just cool and nice to walk in. Easy to breathe, which I've needed lately.
I was an hour I got to spend with Scout and clear my mind. If only for a short time.
We got back home and I got in the shower, just a few minutes after I got out Dad and Jocell walked in. Blake has been spending nights at friends or cousins. So it was just the four of us counting Scout. Granted I wasn't the happiest when dad brings her over randomly- but as the night progressed, I told dad about the tattoo appointment. Which needed to be said. And it is now one stress I don't have to hold on my shoulders anymore.
He wasn't happy about it. Became quite silent. Headed to the shower and that's when Jocell and I got to talk a bit. I told her about my first tattoo and all it meant and when the second one means. She was completely understanding and on my side about it. (Major gold stars in my book..) So maybe she can talk to my dad a bit. Open his mind a bit to things that make him uncomfortable.
Either way, I'm getting more and more excited for it.
March has completely snuck up on me.
- The 11th is only 9 days away.
- The 13th is just 11.
- And last but not least the 15th is 13 days away.
Those numbers will only get smaller and at a very rapid rate. March is generally fairly busy- but this year seems a bit crazier than previous ones.
PS: I'm not going to talk at all about me turning 21 in this post. (with the exception of right then).. because it's still just a bit too much for me to grasp.
Well, I have an eventful day tomorrow.
Expect a full story.
