I can't watch The Truman Show alone because its too relatable and makes me feel funny after.
So I changed it to Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. Which is another movie that makes me feel.
Sometimes it does more than other times. Considering I've watched it a good 40x.
This was one of the 'feels' times.
Every time around the end, when Oskar is laying in his mothers lap and he has just destroyed his CZI (collapsible zone index) and he tells her a quote his father once told him, "I really love your mother, she's such a good girl...."
And the actress (whom I love) reacts just perfectly. She cries. And it gets me every time. And Oskar replies by telling her that he doesn't tell her he loves her enough. Which she of course denies.
Sam told me he loved me on March 18th. 3 days after my birthday.
For my birthday Yusef, Juleia, Sam, and myself all went to Santa Cruz. As I had hoped. It was a quick trip but worth it. I needed some ocean water to hit these feet. I feel like I really have to try and remember it all though. Nothin happened but, it's just so hard to explain.
I feel like I don't get excited over things anymore. I feel like I'm losing emotions. Excitement being one of them.
Dad booked a trip to Florida for him, Blake, and I in July. It should be fantastic but I'm still not overwhelmed by it at all.
I told him I am really looking forward to it, but I won't show it until I'm packing my bags and on my way there.
Khrista is gone. Her last day was my birthday. She's been gone a while now and it doesn't feel much different. I guess that just hasn't hit me yet.
Friday the 22nd was the first time Sam and I had sex.
I should have been cured from the awful thing I never want to think about ever again a while ago. They said they wanted me to come back in 3 months to make sure it really is gone.
I'm sure it is. It has to be.
But today after work I got a call from a number I did not recognize. I was also driving so I didn't answer. I parked at Incredible Pets parking lot and listened to my voicemail. A woman named Judy said she was looking for Monica and needed to talk about some test results.
I called her back twice.
I haven't heard back yet.
The clinic is only open Mondays and Wednesdays.
And even typing that makes my stomach feel awful.
But I'm trying not to worry until there is a reason to. I just wish they worded things better. Made it clear if I should be worried or not.
"Nothing to worry about, just give us a call when you're free- Judy."
"This is an urgent message! Please call back at once!"
Is that so hard?
So it's spring break. And dads trip to Australia is coming up. April 3rd to be exact. That hasn't hit me yet either.
I guess I just choose to ignore that. Because I wish it were me. Like Spain and Greece.
Oh well, best not dwell on what might have been.
I also pierced my nose. Just the nostril. I am a very good daughter.
I better go.
Talk to you soon.
