6:58pm

I shouldn't have to beg for your attention. It shouldn't be like this. You should want to be with me tonight. It's my favorite holiday and I'm crying.

This is bullshit. Going to go get high alone. 

10:33pm

Just ordered a new camera. Full frame. With a good lens and 4 year protection warrenty. 

Just over $2000.. Gone in a click of a button.

But I've sold a car and have been saving for too long. I deserve this. It will be my forever camera. I'm thrilled and have a sharp pain in my chest. This is a good thing. This is a good thing.

And I'll sell my camera and lenses that I can't use and I'll get over half of what I paid back. Not to mention I get paid in a day or so.

I'm not right in money. If anything before I clicked that button I (had) the most money if ever had. Rounding down I had at least $9000. I have plenty to buy a car, camera, and still be fine to move to Portland. Plus I still have until after May to save back up. And with this camera I'll have more inspiration to get back into shooting and making money that way.

Maybe I should think about ordering one of those credit card squares that plugs into your phone.. Now that I have a new nice one people will take me seriously.

All things to consider..

But, I should be excited. I don't care if dad thinks this is a waste of money or shouldn't be a priority right now- it is. And should be. And I'm an adult that's managing my money wisely damnit.

So there. 

2:05pm

I'm not going to continue apologizing at the beginning of every post for not posting more. I do that too often and I can't help that 'life happens.'

It has been months since my last post. I feel like I'll hit a good run and want to write and get things out there, even just to have something to read years from now. But I also feel lately like I'm almost avoiding my blog. I have time to, no Internet though, but I'll make excuses not to. In my head I'll think oh yeah I should really post that or something and then I never open my app. Not sure for what reason I've almost been nervous to reread some of my latest posts (from months ago) but I just did and they are all really happy? Last semester was really good to me. I passed my math class with a B. I slacked off in my speech class since I know how to talk to people and everyone was really funny, therefore I forgot to do some small assignments but came out with a C.

I've been nonstop working since I don't even know when. Its beginning to take its toll. It seems pointless to mention even half of the things that Ashli has done since Holly and Becky aren't going to do anything about it but tell me to change. We have very conflicting personalities and that's all there is really.

I feel like I'm so behind on everything that there is to tell. I really want to make a timeline or something just to catch up for 'future Monica's' sake. I might just do that actually. write it out and take a picture or something.
Lots have happened. Not all good, but then again maybe some good slipped in there. Hard to remember since I feel like a lot of bullshit stuff is happening currently but don't want to mention anything until I recap stuff from the past 4~5 months that I haven't posted.

So next post prepare for a major update.