3:26pm

Piercing my nipples in a minute. 

7:33pm

It's in these past few months that I've noticed the change in my hands. Thinning out and slowly resembling my mothers.

Still unsure how I feel about that.  

7:18pm

What if I didn't move right away. What if after spring semester I traveled..

What if I committed to that idea and made that work? When will I ever have this opportunity again? When will I be this free?

Maybe just maybe I should. 

Then commit to Portland. Just a few months in Europe to take some photos and live a little. Then get comfortable in a new life. 

6:14pm

Bad night. Not the greatest day. Now body is shutting down and I'm sick.

I need to stop thinking about my future. Need to just kinda hibernate for a good while. Just feel like crying constantly.

I sound like a fucking wreck. 

6:58pm

I shouldn't have to beg for your attention. It shouldn't be like this. You should want to be with me tonight. It's my favorite holiday and I'm crying.

This is bullshit. Going to go get high alone. 

10:33pm

Just ordered a new camera. Full frame. With a good lens and 4 year protection warrenty. 

Just over $2000.. Gone in a click of a button.

But I've sold a car and have been saving for too long. I deserve this. It will be my forever camera. I'm thrilled and have a sharp pain in my chest. This is a good thing. This is a good thing.

And I'll sell my camera and lenses that I can't use and I'll get over half of what I paid back. Not to mention I get paid in a day or so.

I'm not right in money. If anything before I clicked that button I (had) the most money if ever had. Rounding down I had at least $9000. I have plenty to buy a car, camera, and still be fine to move to Portland. Plus I still have until after May to save back up. And with this camera I'll have more inspiration to get back into shooting and making money that way.

Maybe I should think about ordering one of those credit card squares that plugs into your phone.. Now that I have a new nice one people will take me seriously.

All things to consider..

But, I should be excited. I don't care if dad thinks this is a waste of money or shouldn't be a priority right now- it is. And should be. And I'm an adult that's managing my money wisely damnit.

So there. 

2:05pm

I'm not going to continue apologizing at the beginning of every post for not posting more. I do that too often and I can't help that 'life happens.'

It has been months since my last post. I feel like I'll hit a good run and want to write and get things out there, even just to have something to read years from now. But I also feel lately like I'm almost avoiding my blog. I have time to, no Internet though, but I'll make excuses not to. In my head I'll think oh yeah I should really post that or something and then I never open my app. Not sure for what reason I've almost been nervous to reread some of my latest posts (from months ago) but I just did and they are all really happy? Last semester was really good to me. I passed my math class with a B. I slacked off in my speech class since I know how to talk to people and everyone was really funny, therefore I forgot to do some small assignments but came out with a C.

I've been nonstop working since I don't even know when. Its beginning to take its toll. It seems pointless to mention even half of the things that Ashli has done since Holly and Becky aren't going to do anything about it but tell me to change. We have very conflicting personalities and that's all there is really.

I feel like I'm so behind on everything that there is to tell. I really want to make a timeline or something just to catch up for 'future Monica's' sake. I might just do that actually. write it out and take a picture or something.
Lots have happened. Not all good, but then again maybe some good slipped in there. Hard to remember since I feel like a lot of bullshit stuff is happening currently but don't want to mention anything until I recap stuff from the past 4~5 months that I haven't posted.

So next post prepare for a major update.

7:38am

I had a bad dream last night.

I watched too much Netflix yesterday and I'm sure that contributed to it.

I feel weird now, and the idea of sleeping in at this point means 7am.

I need to blog more. I'm just in my head a lot right now and it's an uncomfortable morning. I don't want to be by myself. 

Maybe I can try to explain some of this later. 

7:41pm

Today the air smelled of nostalgia. The best kind. The kind where the flowers and plants are in full force bloom- they smell of dryer sheets. They smell like when I was little and the laundry is done and mom puts it in a big pile on her bed and I jump in. It smells of warmth and salty tears of happiness.

The sun does that sort of thing. It makes you remember and makes you happy. 

6:52pm

Goodness me it's been a decent while.

I had a birthday (22!) which was fantastic. Super laid back BBQ with family and many friends. Kelly made me a cake and all together it was grand.

I got my poppies tattoo the day before (14th) and I couldn't be happier with the outcome.. It meant so much for Cory to come in on his day off for me, and then on top of all that he didn't charge me.. $100 tip was certainly in order. This is probably my favourite tattoo so far. I want to show the world my own art on my skin. Can't wait to build off of it. (Slowly but surely.)

Let's see.. School has been good. Sorta catching up with me at this point. I have 1 speech left in Public Speaking and 1 exam then the final in Math. I'm keeping up with homework and pushing through with ease it seems. Sure it's only 2 classes but I know I'll do well and they are worth a lot in the long run.

The house is coming together. Me and Blake's bathroom is going to finally get a real sink and counter soon. Once it moves in from the garage to the inside of the house.. But it's progress.

The front square the the side of the house has been cleared out and we can now put a hammock up on the 2 front trees after we put down some bark and then we can plant some flowers and junk. Spring is among us and I'm full force happy.

The sunshine sure does something for ya. As much as I love my pants and sweaters- some good ol' sunshine is welcome my way.

I've been taking photos when I have time. Woodburning when I have wood, and doing life real well.

I did kind of have a "boob scare" as I put it to my coworkers. I had some really uncomfortable pain in my left breast (on the left side right outside my armpit) and it would shoot across to the center of my breast to the nipple. It was the weirdest thing. The kind of pain that would stop you while you were doing whatever it was you were because you couldn't breathe. You have to just stop and hold onto something until it subsides. It was like that for 2 days but after the 1st dad had me call the nurse and they scheduled me an apt for the next day. Although I was supposed to present a speech- my health comes first. It was pretty awkward but in the end it was fine. As long as it didn't persist I would be okay. They slowly went away and my nerves went away. Still not cool though.

I finally presented my speech and felt pretty meh about it. Could have done better for sure. But I still have one more so whatever.

Ummmm lets see, what else has happened? I went camping with Em, Kyle, Courtney, and Isaac a few days ago. Just behind Kyles property but it was really fun and gorgeous. Most definitely going back.

I lightened my hair more so it's a wonderful orange red like I've wanted for the longest time. Not to say it wasn't a hassle.. Typical Kristy. She does an amazing job but she has a way of being just unprofessional enough to make me want to go somewhere else.

We shall just see how things go.

I had a really good/much needed talk with em a few nights ago. After class one day he came over and we watched some tv at my house until my dad got home. Then he stayed for dinner and I learned my 5 chords on the uke! (The promise was that I learn 5 and then he will buy me my own!!) so we start shopping ASAP. Anyways- after I needed up going to his house to get a camera part -that didn't end up working- but I found a good time to bring up the subject of weed.

I've hinted at it in my posts recently in a very ambiguous way. But I finally found a time to tell him that I feel ready to try. I've done research and finally replaced my fear and nervousness with curiousity. I think about the subject nearly daily. Its become a norm and I finally want to be a part of it. I'm excited to experience new things however they come.

Ever since I got all that off my chest I've felt so good about my relationship. I feel so close to him and so confident in where I'm at in life. Plain ol' happy to be with him. And I can't believe we've been together a year and a half already..

Each other's longest relationship and I couldn't be more ecstatic. Our first 6 months went by so fast that I have no doubts that these next 6 will go by just the same. Can you even imagine 2 years? I have big goals with this guy I guess. (:

If someone makes you as happy as he does for me, you'd be stupid not to hold on tight.

Even before we had our conversation he had been so affectionate! Which is so big for me! PDA is not his favourite thing in the world so even the smallest thing like kissing my forehead in front of people was huge and so appreciated. I've felt so happy and loved these past few weeks.

I really feel good about life and whatever it could bring. School is almost over, the river is calling my name more than ever this year, I'm surrounded by lots of people I enjoy being around (well most of them..) and it's just nice to feel as happy as I do. Not sure how else to put it. 

1:25am

I'm glad I told you how I felt about stuff that may or may not have been bothering me for a long while. I'm glad you hear me and understand. I'm not out of line here.

Even if my birthday is coming up in 5.. (Now 4 days) away.. I'm not doing anything wrong/putting anything at risk by telling you so.

Not that I would be if my birthday wasnt coming up.

Point is- I'm glad I can speak my mind and you listen. 

9:03pm

Look! I actually did really fun things on my days off!

I went to San Francisco with Emmit on Friday (Hayward actually) and he bought a car!! Not just any car, a blue RAV4. What are the odds.. I'm so happy for him it's unreal. It's going to be really strange him having a car again.

Anyways, he had to work later that day so we left quite early in the morning. And he headed back home around noon. I then met up with Nat and Kelly. We then stayed at her grandmas house. We gallavanted the beautiful streets on SF and had a nice easy-going time.

I'm still thinking about all the beautiful homes in the city. One day I would love to live in a place as structurely beautiful as San Francisco. But I guess that would really just be Portland. (:

All in all it was fantastic. Nice to get away with some wonderful people. 

10:05pm

Today was such a good day! Work was great. Beau and Kelly are practically my favourite people on the planet and our shift was filled with big laughs.

Then I presented my speech to class and it went really really well! I'm happy with my outcome and I surprisingly got fairly emotional.

Plans changed and Em and I didnt go to SF after class. It would have been too late by the time we got there. So planning on leaving early in the morn and getting there before he has to work at 2:30. Spending the morning/afternoon with my favourite boy in one of my favourite cities doesn't sound half bad.

Then meeting up with Nat and Kelly and we will gallavant the streets of SF and take photos and have a wonderful time. That night we shall stay with her grandma and come back Saturday evening since I work Sunday morning. 

Sounds like a great 2 days off to me, no?

Tonight since we didn't go to SF- Brian, Emmit, and myself all had a beer at Three Forks and then pizza at Pete's. There we then played Heads Up- and the room was filled with more big laughs. I sure love those boys.

Since Emmit and I have such an early morning planned we then headed back to the car and on our way home. 

I washed my face, did my excercises (and added a few more reps to some things to test myself) and then hopped in bed. Which then takes us to present time and where we are now.

I better head to bed soon, just waiting for a goodnight text from Em letting me know he got his phone charger from Kyle and is home safe. 

8:59pm

Things are good. So good.

I can't begin to describe how much I love kissing Emmit. It's as easy as breathing.

School is going really well. I got a B on my math test and I'm understanding the material we are learning. Which is stuff that I remember not understanding last time I was in this math class. So it's really really inspiring to see this growth in myself. Giving myself a big pat on the back. And not only am I growing in math but also in the way I'm thinking. Thinking about stuff I did before in a way I normally wouldn't. It's scary to say out loud exactly what I mean.. But it may make sense without words. My curiousity is expanding and I may be ready to take that to the next level. I'm going to be 22 years old soon damnit. It's time I start thinking differently. Look more loosely at a broader picture and not over analyze a certain scenario in the moment. I can do this. It's not as huge a deal as I've made it out to be all this time. Most things I feel that way towards never are.

<--------------->

Driving to SF tomorrow to buy Em a RAV4 believe it or not! Really excited for him. Then Kelly wants me to go back to SF with her that weekend with Nat. And I'm really excited to do that. It's a lot of going and going but I need some variety in my schedule. Get out of this little town every now and then. Besides I'm young and can handle a few late nights.

Umm. I think there was something else I was going to say.. But I'm currently blanking.

I suppose I'm just doing really well at the moment and I'm glad to have that to write down. 

9:19pm

100% allergic to bananas. Puked at work.

Felt better, went to school. Pretty uneventful day. 

<------------->

Had some weird dreams last night.

Still pushing on with the curiosity vs fear of the unknown part of my life.

It's weird how my head works. I may not like something but I've realized its 97% because I don't understand it just yet. Once I understand how the parts work and I can peace together how something operates I can most likely get on board.

I'm becoming more curious about things I thought I wasn't and I'm glad. 

It's just finding the right moment to ask how something works, show me, (put aside my fear), and create my own opinion. Granted for an over thinker- this is all much easier said than done. But I'm getting there. At first when I see things I'm not familiar with or uncomfortable with I get defensive or even mean. Completely my own defensive mechanism. And I need to let my walls come down. I'm almost 22 years old I I've always said I need to live for myself. Create my own path. And slowly I'm getting there.

Maybe if I can manage enough courage to fully let down my walls I can recreate a spark in my daily life. My relationship and my friendships. I've been so tense and overbearing in some ways it seems- I don't want to turn people off from the energy I'm putting out. 

Time to stop caring so much. Create my own affirmation that it's okay to let go or be curious or whatever I need that day.

Time to start living the way I blog. Effortlessly and with passion. Release and let go.

9:17pm

Had a math test, think I did pretty alright. Brought Scout to the park and we watched a mom and her daughter try and fly a kite. Windy and beautiful afternoon.

Later I drove to Colfax. I guess to find some sort of closure or something with my mom or just bring up some happy nostalgia? Either way I was pretty disappointed and ended up feeling uncomfortable. So I drove a little further. To auburn and recouped.

It was a nice day all in all.

Dad told me how he and Terri essentially broke up. The distance is just too much and her son has a growing mental illness and it's all a lot to handle with coming up here every weekend.

Who knows what will happen, but either way there will always be a friendship there.

The since dad is in such a mood he started talking about Emmit and said some really powerful things. Nothing he has said about anyone else before.

He would love to have Emmit as his son in law.. 

7:43pm

This is the first post I've made on my computer since I don't even know when..
The past few days have been pretty nice. I had one day all to myself (which was different/a little challenging) but good. Went to Nevada City by myself. Went into stores I hadn't in a while or ever before. Just to take up my time and because I could. Trying to regain my independence is a tad harder than I had thought. I hate saying that but it's something I did to myself. Not entirely bad, just what it is.
The next day I hung out with Salima for a bit and we always have nice conversations. Always get pretty deep and whatnot. It's nice to hear other peoples views on what is happening in your life.

That almost made no sense..

My fingers are cold and a little shaky from my lack of nutrient intake today. (Thank you again body for the lack of 'the feeling of hunger') but the alert of knowing when it's too late. (Cue shaky hands.)

Anyways, I worked the long shift and just kicked butt. Finished my chores by 3pm and we all got out by 6:15pm. It was a goal since the majority of us had homework that needed to be tended to. So I drove to Nevada City (where I am now) and who do I find at a nice open table other than the guy who  showed me this place, Cru Dorsey. We chatted a bit but ultimately I had a goal: finish my homework. And that I did. But I've been enjoying this late night so I've stayed.

Em and I are maybe a little off balance tonight- for lack of a better word. And that sucks. I apologized for being crazy but I think he still kinda needs a break from communication for the night. Understandable. So I sit and I type. And I like it. I miss using my computer and just using my fingers. All of them- the feeling of utilizing all my flanges and not just 2. I need to make an effort to use my hands more often in general. And run. I want to run on trails and cancel things out. I want to paint and draw. Read. Etc..
I feel like I say these sort of things in every post now and I'm not sure what I've actually held my promise to. Half and half I suppose. I do little bits of each. But not routinely. So I suppose I need to develop habits. Stick to exercising nightly. Stop finding reasons to just crawl in bed or put it off. I've been getting compliments on my appearance and it's nice to see that others notice. Not that I can very much, but I also see myself on a daily basis.. but still. You know what I mean. It was actually one of the first things Cru had said when we sat down was how I'd lost weight in my face and I look good. I had to admit it wasn't all me, I had to give some credit to almond milk. But yeah so anyways, enough about my looks.

I suppose thats all I have to say. It's only been a few days. I have a math test tomorrow. So there's that. I feel pretty good about it. I'll keep you posted. On that and everything else, as usual.

9:01pm

Sometimes, like this one right now- I'll get a tingly feeling similar to goosebumps, in my ears. When I'm just sitting in the leaves watching you lay in the hammock read. It's times like this I want to hold onto forever.

12:46pm

Few days have passed.

I saw 50 Shades with Em and the gang.

Tried hookah.

Went to my first Nevada County Bar.

Trying to continue this ready frenzy (which is on a slow simmer at the moment, sadly)

Working, staying busy.

Hana is in town. It's not a big deal. But she should be gone tonight. Not sure if Em saw her at all since she's been here. I don't care honestly if he has, but I'd like to have been there if he had. Just for my comfort sake. Bleh.. Anyways.

He is moving out basically today. Which I'm excited to be back at his moms house more often. I miss her and Elsa. As much as everyone loved that house by Eskaton, I'm ready for him to be out. No longer in some hangout house environment constantly. Let that be someone else's deal, we can visit. But living in one just doesn't appeal to me. For myself or Em. Although he called it home, I'm sure he can do better later on with his own house/apartment. Or dare I say ours.. Ha. I know he doesn't want to live with me. Although I think I'd be a nice gal to come home to.

Maybe one day.

I work in about an hour. I've basically just been sitting out on my back deck for most of the morning soaking up this sun. Trying to read and whatnot. Listening to the planes circle round our house for what I would assume are students adding up their training hours.

Can't wait to go skydiving soon.

We had a nice mellow Valentines Day. We met up with Stephanie and her boyfriend Billy. As well as their 2 friends Chelsea and Kelsey I think the other girls name was? They were all nice. We talked movies and tv shows and getting out of GV.

Quite a few customers have also been asking me about that. When I'm leaving. They all keep reminding me how nervous I am. But after I have a plan and I'm on the road to Oregon, I know I'll be filled with excitement. It's just the getting there steps.

Not sure what else has happened that's worth noting. I'll keep you posted though. 

9:21pm

Not totally tired. Would love to fall asleep on Emmit's chest/lap to a movie. Today is our "16 month". We are almost at a year and a half and that may be my biggest accomplishment since I can't remember. It makes me happy it doesnt feel like it's been that long.

We worked together today and I felt very productive. Was complimented in several ways today and I appreciate that. I've been working hard to get where I'm at. Only going to improve more.

I don't like being the butthead at work for Emmit. Just keep him on track and whatnot. But I'd want him or anyone else to do it for me.

Math is going really well I'd say and that's huge for me. Excited for Public Speaking too. I hope to give at least one speech that makes the class feel something. Like what happens to me when I read books.

Valentine's Day is coming up. It's also the day that Juleia is having her baby shower. But I'm not sure if Emmit has any other plans for when I'm done. Im happy for my dad, he wants to do something with Terrie and make it nice. Even if it just means going to the hot springs. Im happy that he is with someone. I hope that Valentine's Day goes well for everyone.

Let's see.. That may be all I can recap from today. Proud of myself for getting back in the habit of this. I hope that 2015 can be the year I post the most. We shall see. But I better head to bed, work in the morning. 

10:00pm

1.)Blake got the job!

2.)Took midol pm at 6:30.. This morning. Felt groggy all day.

3.)Finished my book and cried next to Em in my car as I read the last chapter. Sad. And good. Onto the next one.

4.)Doing my best to not hold onto things that I can't control. Things that make me upset or nervous. Trying to let go and distract myself in the best ways possible.

5.)Trying to replace fear of the unknown with curiousity. Let go of past knowledge to let new in.

6.)Trying to not be so afraid. Trying to trust.

7.)Trying not to lose myself in all of this. 

9:25pm

"Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to ourselves."

-The Five People You Meet in Heaven, page 141 

6:07pm

Holding onto negative thoughts from a few nights ago. Having a really hard time moving past them. Not sure what to do.

Brighter note: Blake had his interview at Safeway today. 

8:30pm

It's Monday. And it was a good one. I'm all caught up with math, and thanks to Isaac I feel we will dominate that class.

But let's rewind. 

Friday: Em, the boys and I all drove to Reno to look at a car. No dice- but almost. Then stayed and hung out with Colton and his friends till almost midnight. Mostly fun, but still slightly uncomfortable and whatever. 

Drove home- we are all starving -so stopped at an in&out.

Saturday: (still at in&out) got the milkshake I'd been craving all day and gave Em his birthday kiss at midnight. It's now officially his birthday.

Continued our drive home (Emmit and I sleeping in the back) and then arrived back to his house by roughly 2am. Fell right to sleep. Woke up round 10~ (birthday sex was in order) then got ready to head to SF. The guys had a show they wanted to see and Em had a few more cars he wanted to look at.

Got just outside of SF a tad late, so no car shopping but saw the Golden Gate bridge from afar and I peed in the bushes on the side of a hill overlooking the ocean. We shortly after headed to Berkley, I knew I wasn't going to see the show and by the time we got to the venue Em wasn't quite feeling it. So we walked around and found a perfect spot to grab a drink. Mine of which hit me pretty quickly Id say. We then walked back towards the spot where the show was playing and across the street, headed to another bar/restaurant. Had some calamari along with some more beers and tasted a apricot or peach beer that was phanominal. Holy crap. Now in a mission to find it in stores.

Anyways- after we ate the boys that stayed and watched the show mer up with us and we headed home.

Sunday: arrived home again, roughly 1:30-2am. Fell right to sleep and woke up to more birthday-weekend sex. No complaints. I then hurried to get all my clues printed and in their locations. After I had everything set up I went back to Emmit's house and picked him up. Gave him his film and tombow pens, along with the first clue, and on we went!

(I recorded the entire thing, but need to stitch it all together.) But all went just wonderfully. Just him and I looking for the clues to his big gift. And he loved it. I think he is still sort of in shock and hasn't really hit him yet what I just bought us..

But then again, it hasn't really hit me either.. Haha

After the hunt was over and surprise was awarded, we went to dinner with him mom and Elsa. We went to Arigato sushi in Roseville which was great. Got home pretty early in comparison to the past few nights which was nice since he opened up the coffeeshop and I had math.

Which then brings us to today. And he were are. I'm pretty tired after math then closing up shop, and am ready for bed since I now have to open up in the morning then public speaking after.

So I better hit the hay. 

Until next time.

1:29am

Yeah you read that right, 1:30am.. Just got out of a movie. Em and I and some friends saw the employee showing of Wild. It was just that. Reese did a great job in that role, and as the credits rolled it showed the photos of the actual Sheryl. They looked very similar, especially in the hair. It had some pretty sad parts for sure but overall made me want to go outside.

This morning I showed up late to work for the first time since I'm not even sure when. But found out I can get ready within about 20 minutes. Got to work 5 minutes before Becky. I still told her what happened. And then since I had public speaking at 2 I'm only scheduled till 1:30. So all in all it ended up being a fun quick day with Beau and Ashli even.

Finally got MyMathLab all set up (if not for the patience and knowledge of Emmit..), which was fantastic so I got a start of some things. Luckily nothing is due until February something (the day of the first test) so I have some time to catch up.

Which I have no doubts I will.

I'm still just excited and grateful to be there.

Tomorrow Em and the gang are heading to Nevada to look at a car and whatnot. Little day trip before the birthday. Still trying to get all that figured out but at the end of the day it's not my day. We will just have to see how it all plays out. 

9:30pm

Today was a magnificent day! Started out nice with cereal on the couch and slow start to getting ready. Followed by math tryouts yet again, which resulted in obtaining the class! I got in!! I was so excited after. Got oddly everything set up, just need Internet to catch up with the homework. But I can tell I've forgotten so much, but it will slowly come back. Isaac is in the class so that's rad. More time to hang out at Alannah's apartment haha

I'm stoked.

Then I worked a 12-close shift. Emmit and Kelsey had to leave early for class and a meeting so it was up to Salima and I to get everything done. As I busted out all my chores in no time at all, but then felt as if I had done most other things too.. But my day has just been so good and motivated that I didnt let it bother me.

I parked on the street before class and walked the trail to get to the campus, which isn't crazy king of anything but it's certainly a nice walk and saves me $3 so I felt good about that.

Walking to class combines with my nightly exercise routine (trying to be disciplined about it) will have me feeling good about my health and everything in no time. Now if only my acne would get out.. Winter is always when it's at its worst so I should have seen it coming. It just gave me false hope since it took its time getting here. The again, we haven't really had a winter yet..

Anyway as- I have another long day ahead of me. Work in the morning followed by Public Speaking round 2. Joan is a hoot. Just a pure ball of quirkiness. I'm excited to see what comes of that class. Especially since Em is in it!

Well all in all I'm pretty proud of myself today. And the past few days! Blogging regularly! And being good to my body. Go me!

Night!

9:26pm

Well today was the second day of the semester. So far so good. Didn't get into my math class on Monday so I'm going back tomorrow and not taking no for an answer. I will sit on the floor and bring my own computer if I have to. 

Em got into the public speaking class no problem. So that's rad. I'm a little nervous but I know I'll do just fine. Excited to have him at Sierra and especially in a class with me! All about sharing a book.

I'm really motivated this semester. And I'd like to keep it that way.

Emmit's birthday is on Saturday. Which is hardly 4 days away. And I'm planning things like none other. So woohoo go me! Little stressful, but I think I have it all under control. Just have to make sure everything goes according to plan- and smoothly.

Last but not least.. Drumroll please.. My business cards came in!!

Not entirely what I had hoped for. Kinda looks like their printer ran out of ink, but they still look great. I'm happy I only ordered 100 and I should have no problem giving them out. Then make the corrections I need to. You live and you learn, but hey, guess this means I'm officially putting my name out there again and ready for business! 

Here goes nothin'

10:22pm

You ever think that some books belong in paperback? Like there is the Harry Potter series, obviously worthy of hard bound copies.

But then there are books like Palo Alto by James Franco, that deserve a paper cover. The kind of book you probably read a few times a year. That has bent corners and tear stains, coffee stains, and footnotes. It should be worn and torn.

Looking for my copy tomorrow. The movie made me feel things, so the book must too. 

5:58pm

Had what felt like a long day at work. Busy enough for a Sunday.

After work took Scout to the park and played fetch for a bit and read for a little while too.

Now we're back home with some candles lit, fire going, and book back in my lap.

Shower is in order, best look nice for the first day of school tomorrow! I'm ready and hopeful. 

9:49pm

Went to Kelly's house tonight. Nat and Trevor were over. It was a hilarious evening, even though Kelly still kinda made me nervous. I really like her friendship. And I want her and Trevor to fall in love. Her lovely self with his handsome self just makes sense. Nat is hilarious, basically all there is to know.

They are all going to SF tomorrow-Tuesday. Wish I could go..

It's alright. Still had a great evening. And ended the night with one of Kelly's art photos.

I can tell I will be friends with these people for a while. And that is wonderful.

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Also- fixed up the yellow bike for the most part. Still could use a little fine tuning from a man named Charlie. I'm sure more photos of this lovely lady will happen.  

9:55am

I had the most vivid dream last night that I was pregnant. I had a very small baby bump. I was 5 1/2 weeks pregnant. It was such a sweet feeling. I can't really quite describe it.. I guess that's what new moms feel.  

(Not yet not yet.)

It probably happened because Juleia is almost due with her 2nd baby and her shower is coming up.

10:56pm

I wish I got as much attention as I think I deserve.

Giving rides to work, being at you beck and call, I'd like to think I deserve some attention.

Constantly feeling like friends come before me. Not that you're not allowed to have friends, but where do I fit in?

Becoming a little fed up. Time for you to miss me. Although I think that will just make you 'proud I'm doing my own thing'

Sure, regaining my independence is a resolution of mine- but I feel I've been doing that a lot lately.

What happened to being in a relationship. What happened to wanting to talk to me whenever possible about almost nothing. Silly photos, car sex, etc.

I'm ready for your friends to leave for Europe. It will be good to not have their influence and distraction in your life. 

7:16pm

You've hit a high note when your boyfriends mom calls to ask you which isle you found large quantities of coconut oil at Grocery Outlet. 

11:11am

Oh hey, yeah remember me? I guess I run this thing still. In defense my life is pretty repetitive. Nothing crazy eventful has happened to note. Although I keep telling myself to do little updates.

Thoughts: I've been following this one girl on Instagram for a bit now. She's very lovely and runs a little blog called Nice & Quiet. Her name is Bri and she's a very good photographer. Anyways she just started Nice & Quiet not too long ago, but I found her older blog. The Secret Life of Bee. Her last and most recent post was her goodbye from that blog. She explained how it had felt forced. She was trying to be what her followers wanted her to be. She explained she's not a fashion blogger but tried to be for her followers since that's what they liked to see. But she's a photographer. And that's what she wants to put her extra time and energy into. When she's not blogging about her household items and cat, she's trying to get pregnant while battling infertility. She's a strong gentle girl and I would love to be her friend. Alas she lives in a different state of which o cannot remember.

But to make this relevant and bring my pony into the subject- I sadly thought to myself how forced my posts here can be. Although it's a fantastic escape, when I do use it.. I forget to. I forget how nice a release it is to write. Vent about my day and issues. That way I don't bring them to work with me. And I'd like to think I've been doing a fairly decent job of that. Although we have hired 2 new girls again now that Corrie and Courtney have left us. One is Kelley and the other is Maddy. So we now have 2 Mandy's with us. Not to confuse things even more.

But school is nearing us and I'm really eager to get back. My hair is getting somewhat long and the sun has been shining fairly steadily. (Although is January and Id love to see some snow..) I can't complain about my mornings (such as this one now) when I get to sit and let my legs hang from my back deck and write.

Emmit and I have been together for a little over a year and 3 months now. I believe that makes us each our longest relationships.

Juleia, if I haven't mentioned already, which is very possible.. Is pregnant and expecting her second child in March. We are each hoping for a girl and near our birthdays.

I received a 50mm lens for Christmas this year and I haven't stopped using it. I've taken at least 3 different peoples portraits and been asked by at least 2 more. So business cards are on their way! Finally made my design the other day and am really quite pleased with the turnout. I'll post photos once they have been ordered.

Emmits birthday is getting closer and I'm really excited. It will be his 21st and I've purchased his presents already. One is a really big one. But I can't say since I'm not sure if he still checks up on this site or not.

But I will certainly be updating you on what his reaction is after the gifts have been given.

Not much else that's worth noting I suppose. I've been getting closer to Kelly Rowe and I really like that. She needs some support and someone like me in her life Id like to think.

But I must be off to work. Gotta brush my teeth first but I'd like to say I'll write more soon. 

Until then.