8:58pm

Had a nice simple day today.

Started off with taking pregnancy photos with Mariah, which ended in me deciding I need a new camera.

Then meeting up with Salima and the three of is headed to the mall. Hardly spent anything and got interchangeable outfits. Ended up having more money on a gift card than I thought. Then headed to sushi. Didn't have the best service- only tipped a dollar. Don't regret it.

Headed home, Mariah napped while Salima and I vented. Which turned into a huge venting session and then full on recap since it's been so long since we had done that. Felt reallllly nice.

Work in the morning, and I'm feeling pretty good.

Still missing you as always. Realizing I need to calm down. I'm far too far in my head sometimes.

Love you like crazy.

10:23pm

Letting it get to me, yet again. Cried again. Fucking sucks, as usual.

Ready for you to be home. I physically need you. Need you to be here so I can burry my face in your chest and sob. I never missed anyone while I was in Florida. No one but my dog. And I was in a relationship at the time..

But this missing you is awful. Making me sick and my mind go crazy. I need to just stay off Facebook and just worry about me for a while. Or something. Just get myself out if my head. Mentally put myself in a coma for the next month so I can just be blank.

I should go before I start sounding more morbid and emo.

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Taking pregnancy photos of Mariah tomorrow. Fairly excited. (Not sure if I'm getting paid for this or not.)

Then going to the mall with Salima after. So these are things to look forward to. Three cheers for days off.

Night

9:44pm

Quick update because I should be sleeping:

FaceTime'd Em today for the first time in a while. Really missed his face. I knew I missed his smile and his cheeks but actually seeing them after a few days of only playing text tag it really hit me how much I missed him.

And for the first time since he has been gone I cried. Hearing him tell me he missed me and how he couldn't stop smiling since he saw my face just all caught up with me.

Work was the busiest Sunday I've experienced in a lonnnng time.

But after Emmit and I said our goodbyes I went to Briar Patch and got 2 new succulents and some sunglasses. Then I stopped by Rite Aid and dropped off a roll of film. Headed home grabbed scout and walked on Independence Trail. Held and caught my first salamander. Forgot my memory card at home, luckily my 

AE-1 was in my car too so I caught a few photos on that.

Headed home and Kyle was behind me, ended up going to his place for a few hours. We ended up talking about weed and the like. Which if course isn't my favourite topic. But I suppose I left having learned a few things.

Today is Matt McCoy's birthday so a few people went to the river and then to Maddie/Emmit's to celebrate. But I open tomorrow and since there was no supervisor tonight (again) and I open, the first thing I get to do is registers. Thank you- yet again Holly- for your amazing scheduling skills.

Anyways..

Point is, I miss Emmit. (You.. If you're reading this.) I love you so much it hurts sometimes. But it's the kinda hurt that's worth it.

Sweet dreams darling. 

9:21pm

Had the day off. Just kept it pretty relaxed. Watched some more Orange is the New Black. Pretty addicting.

Then treated myself to some Jamba Juice and sipped on it while strolling through Salvation Army. Found some pants I can cut into shorts and a glass bottle with 4 "m's" on it. I'll use it as a vase for sure.

Then stopped into Caroline's anddd course ended up hanging out till they closed. Watched more OITNB and sketched a bit. Talked to Beau a little bit about Fools Gold. Then somehow I obtained a headache. They closed up shop and I headed home. Had some ibuprofen and some spaghetti. Went away and then I started missing you.

Just a little bit. But enough to note. I'm making plans to spend more time with your family. And I'm happy about that. I'm going to miss my family reunion tomorrow since I'm working all day, which is unfortunate, but alright. Just a bummer.

I wish I could go, but more than anything I wish I could take you with me. All I want to do is show you to my family and take you places. Hold you close and eat snacks, make jokes, take photos on their hammok. That's all I need.

Anyways, I miss you. But you are doing really well over there! Volunteering at that coffeeshop and meeting new people. Slowing down and living on Peru time. I can't wait to hear your voice. Hear you tell me all about it. But man oh man do I miss your skin. I miss your back so much and your lips. Good grief. I wish I could have kissed you more before you left.

Just going to make seeing you that much more satisfying.

Love you like crazy mister. Truly. 

8:44pm

It's been roughly a week since you've left the United States. Things are going well over there from what I can see and that is such a relief. Every check in is a thrill for me. To see your name pop up on my phone gives my heart a slight pitter patter and then a sigh of relief. Just shows me that you are okay. I'm not that incredibly worried about you- not being mom here.. But you never know. In Taken the girl was abducted within like less than 24 hours. So I'd say we are past that boat and you're good to go. But hey- some crazy person could still do it. There is still time.. (Slightly joking.)

Regardless- I'm happy and more proud of you than ever. I try my best not to let my mind wander. You freak me out with funny posts about drugs and crazy people and you wanting to experience the real Peru for all it's worth, but you're not stupid. For that I am greatful.

Everyone keeps asking me why I didn't go. And I guess the thought of me going never really crossed my mind? I was so set on doing all I could to save up. Work my ass off and just save so I can get out of here with you.

And thats what I tell them. You had the opportunity and Peru wasn't at the top of my list of places I needed to travel to (not that I'm picky.. But Ireland is at the top.) etc.. So here I am updating everyone with as much as I can. I like it when your dad comes in and asks since he knows I'll have something to tell, although we both know that our communication is minimizing with the further you go. And I get that. I need to let you explore and do stuff. Not feel the need to check in on me every chance you get. Although the next time I see your face on my screen I'll be overjoyed.

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Josiah's early birthday party scavenger hut extravaganza was the other day and it was so much fun. Elsa, Samuel, and I were all Team Red and we literally kicked so much ass it was a no brainer we won!

It was exciting to be around your family without you. It was just like hanging out with best friends. Everyone had something in common and had a goal for the day. As much as we all missed you and Bella we all had such a good time. I probably went a little overboard with the competition and defensiveness of our team by the end (all in a joking matter) but I feel a little embarrassed for myself. I'm sure I'm over thinking it but meh.. I can do that sometimes.

All in all it was the most fun I'd had since you left for sure.

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Sophie, Beau, and I all went to sushi the other day since she left for Canada today. Gone for 10 days. Which will fly by. But you started texting me right as we sat down. And the only option for 3 people is to sit at a 4 person table. So seeing the empty seat and then your texts made me feel a little sad. Which I haven't felt too much since you've been gone. I've been keeping busy a little with Netflix and work mostly. I worked out a tad this morning though! You would have been so proud of me. I tried to remember as many stretches from Pilates as I could. Did some sit ups and push-ups and leg things. It was sorta quick but I felt good after! Then I popped my tire as I was leaving my house.. Ha.

Dad saved the day but we still need to look for new tires for me now. I need to fix up Ol' Wendy so I can possibly get something else. (Not high on my priority list.)

Annnnyways. Orange is the New Black is addicting. You tried to warn me and I didn't listen. And I went past episode 6.. Don't hate me. But they were so good I'll have no problem watching them with you over again when you get back.

Dad isn't feeling too hot. Well that's a lie- he has an off and on fever. It seems just like a common cold or even bronchitis but whoever it is- it's in his lungs at this point. And it worries me. I wish he saw it as a big a deal as I do. But at the same time it's probably (hopefully) nothing. I wanted to drive him down to Kaiser but he wants to push through till morning.. I just don't want it to get worse over night or have it be something worse than we thought. But that's just my mind getting the best of me..

I'll report back with everything tomorrow most likely.

You are probably still on a bus. 22 hour long bus ride.. Which is a joke. But you are such a trooper and very understanding person that you see it as something great. As for me, I'm a bit of a realist. I see the first few, maybe so much as 5~6 hours as a cool experience but then probably getting some rest for as long as you can. Who knows though, it could be crazy awesome the whole way there! And I sure hope it is. Hoping to receive a message after these 22 hours with a full summary.

Aright- I work in the morning. Better get to bed. Love you like crazy mister. Doubt you'll be reading any of these while you are away. I'm not even sure if you still read this thing anymore as it is. Doesn't matter (:

I LOVE YOU EMMIT

9:22pm

Fact: I don't enjoy sleeping alone. I get bummed out even when Scout moves to the floor or living room.

Otherwise- I'm doing okay. Can't complain, but everyday you are missed. I love you more than anything mister.

Just want you in my bed. 

10:13am

I should stop expecting things to go the way we plan for them to.

Let me start from the beginning..
The plan was to leave your house at 1pm and head to REI for one last trip to get socks or a sleeping bag liner or whatever else you may need. Of course with the way you pack and plan things we didn't leave until about 2-2:30~ but that's fine since your flight doesn't take off till 10:15pm. So we got to Roseville and probably stayed in REI a bit longer than necessary. We left by 4:30.

A light on your mom's dashboard came on for her battery, which she had changed about 2 weeks prior to this. I guess her car was acting up and she assumed it was the battery and when it was changed everything started acting normal. Problem solved.

But not quite since the battery light had shown up now. So she called Liberty Motors and they advised that we should stop or something. But you, Avery, and I all assured her that we would be fine. Of course we would make it to the airport and back. Then you could look at it tomorrow or something.
But of course, that wasn't the case.
I guess at all your meetings the biggest thing that the main guy says is to be flexible. 
This was only the first step and we had to be flexible.
We were maybe 100-200 YARDS AWAY just from the toll for us to get on the Bay Bridge when the front windows stopped working. And then every other light on her dash came on. Then of course the battery died. Luckily we were in an ideal spot to pull over. More like push over.. Avery and you did a great job to push us over under the overpass.

From that moment we all kind of had to stop and think about it all. What our next step was since you had no choice but to call a Taxi. So the phone calls began and the stress levels fell and began to rise a little more.
You guys called a cab and but still made a sign to see if you guys could get a ride to SFO.
We called a tow truck that could bring us to this parking lot about 100 yards away so we could legally be towed away by AAA. I guess the tow truck we called wasn't even the one that we called. This guy just happened to see us and help us out.

So here comes your taxi and we have no other choice but to part ways on the side of a freeway..
Nothing like what I had pictured in my head. I wanted to hug you dramatically in the airport and kiss you in front of your family and cry. I had no time to cry. And that was the biggest part I was bitter about. But I was able to at least drive down that far with you. Hold your hand for that much longer.
But all in all you getting to the airport and everything was most important.
So I gave you my letters and you hopped inside and drove off.

From then on we had to deal with getting our things in the tow truck to get to the legal parking lot.
I was looking for my stuff and couldn't find my phone. So I had Elsa call it and then you answered.. From the taxi..

So now we had a whole other issue on our hands. Thank goodness the cab driver was a good guy and said he would bring it back to me after he dropped you guys off at the airport. Which he did and then we could finally worry about us and calling AAA.
It was about 8-8:30 at this point and we were on and off the phone with them looking for someone to take us to Grass Valley and be able to tow the Karena's all wheel drive car (Thank goodness I had 200 miles of free towing). Which is nearly impossible to find in the San Francisco area. AAA would call us and say they would have a truck then the wouldn't.. it went on for hours. Then at 10pm I finally was tired enough to sleep a little bit in the back of Karena's car. A little bit later she said that the best they could do was get a rental car to get us home and then they could tow the car back the next morning. Which was a fine option.. I only wish they had given it to us 3 hours before. The only downside to us driving ourselves back was that Karena had been driving all day since. We all were exhausted.
So at least if a tow truck had taken us we would have all been able to sleep. So since Karena now had to drive us back, what should have taken us 3 hours max took 5. Since she had to stop and rest her eyes or buy snacks. Something. So we got home at 3am. And I had to work t 6. So I drove to my house since I had slept the majority of the drive back. Got hime and slept for the next 2 hours before my alarm would go off. Got up and worked an 8 hour day. Went home at 3 and slept until 6.


You are now safely in Lima, Peru. And that is all that matters. I'm so excited for you, but still a little nervous always. But I'm keeping busy. Going to hang out with my sister and catch up on Netflix and such. You know..

I love you like crazy Em. Be safe.

5:14am

THINGS THAT WAKE ME UP 30 MINUTES BEFORE MY ALARM:

• I don't want to write anymore stories of us crying on Aidan's parents bed about you smoking weed because we are both drunk. And that of course turning into crying about whatever else may be in my mind and feeling like shit because I ruined the night.

• I fucking hate being mad at you and making the realization over and over again that you broke my promise.

• How you hardly even kept one at all since you said you smoked possibly 20~ times since you made the fucking promise.

• How you should have told your friends.

• How differently you could have handled that whole situation.

• How this is something you'll grow out of and how I hope it's soon. 

• You're leaving for Peru in 4 days.

• Everyone else is going on a vacation of some sort around that time too.

• The birds outside my window are loud in a soft way but right now aren't as comforting as the white noise of a television, and that makes me sad.

• Things I have to do today.

• What I should wear today.

• I still need to do laundry.

• The vivid thought if me hugging you and kissing you in front of your mom and sister in the airport.

• Crying at the airport.

• You coming back home and showing me photos.

• You coming back home and still wanting to smoke weed.

• Picturing myself hanging with everyone while you're gone and it feeling okay.

• New job?

• Reading lots of books while you're gone. (Goal: 2 a week.)

• FOOLS GOLD

• How even waking up 30 minutes before my alarm is still a crucial 30 minutes of sleep that I will want by the time I get to work.

That's probably a good place to stop I suppose.

I know I had lots of dreams especially once it started to get into the morning hours, and that's most likely what woke me up. I just wish I could turn my brain off while I sleep. At least from all the shitty thoughts I hate to remember.

My alarm will go off in 5 minutes, and I really have to pee.

I need to write more frequently.