I must remind myself that I have you. I get to kiss you and hug you, touch you, have amazing sex with you, most importantly, love you.
I've already won. And I continue to do so everyday I wake up.
Sure she is now your 'best friend' on snapchat due to snapping her the most. But it's okay. You are friends and I trust that whatever photo she sends you is related to art or something completely not sexual or anything of that matter. Because she should know better than to send anything of that nature to you. Especially now that she is seeing someone and you and I have been together for quite some time now.
I trust you as well. I'm not going to let my mind wander any further as to what part she may play in your life. I will do myself the favor to focus on you.
Focus on Peru.
On Portland.
On work.
Home.
Art.
Me.
The semester is so close to being over. I just have to make it through a few more days then it is camping, exploring, art making, and friends from then on. I want to get back into Fools Gold and make it official. Because I fell into a bit of a funk 3/4ths of the way through the semester (as I tend to do) and my motivation for Fools Gold went along with it. I had to focus on the house and moving. I probably didn't post much in that time either.
But now I have priorities. Since some stressful things (like the move) have gone to rest, I can put others to life.
I want to create. And use my hands while I have the time to. Summer and fall. Clear my head. Save up. And make accomplishable goals.
I'm getting excited again. Looking at the positives and doing stuff. I'm not sure how else to put it.
But I guess my main goal in this post was to I suppose, appologize for my outburst in the previous post. (If you even read it).
I'm not that girl. Sure I'll get nervous and such but I won't be crazy. That scares me. And I scared myself. But I have let my worries fade and put homework and finals stuff in its place. And your smile. I look at you nearly everyday and that's my reminder. You are my reminder that I am fine and shouldn't worry. Your trustful eyes and your soft lips caressing mine is enough. I'm lucky.
We had a small moment the other day where we looked back at how we kinda met and how I made the first move. I told myself I wanted to be friends with you. When I named Henry. And we hung out everyday in art. We drew and made jokes. We became each other's best friends. And slowly maybe even fell in love. It just took us a few good years later to realize it and act on it. And man am I ever thankful that we did. Bad things fell apart between people who were not meant to be, which allowed us to fall together.
Thinking that I am kissing that boy I met back in the art room is crazy to me. I'm with that boy. It gives me goosebumps and a silly feeling in my stomach. So thank you. And I love you.
To the moon and back. Like crazy.
